Did you know...

I am so grateful that I have a sense of humor. I know that it is a gift.
(I didn't really know much about gratitude until I got sober. AA has taught me much about gratitude).
I know that Mom and Dad were responsible for fostering my sense of humor. Do you remember how Dad could lose his breath from laughing so hard? Usually at REALLY corny jokes that he told. I remember that Dad told me of an incident that occured sometime when he was young and in Switzerland maybe? he was at a restaurant with a couple of his buddies. I guess they were excited to be in another country (one that was not in the midst of a war) and they were having Aquavit. Something one of them said struck everyone as the funniest thing that they had ever heard and they laughed uncontrollably (beet red faces, tears and snot laughing) for several minutes. He told me that story twice on different occasions so it must have really had an impact. He said they were not high, it was just one of those things. He loved to laugh.
I don't think he had the opportunity to laugh like that much as a young man.
Laquita and I can laugh like that sometimes. My friend Craigie and I can too. Laughter is really wonderful medicine.
Here are some things that have made me laught out loud lately:
An episode of Family Guy
Talking on the phone with Craigie (somethin to do with bathroom humor)
The YouTube video of a little dog in a blue sweater named Chester walking on his front legs while peeing on a curb - LOLOLOL
My little rescued parakeets PeeTee and Borris, they are so funny as they learn how to do normal bird stuff without fear. When PeeTee first flew from the top of one window to another he just started shreeking and doing the head bob victory dance!
Sybil....she makes me laugh and smile each and every day with her little old lady kitty cat ways.
More later.......

I had this dream about us.......

Some time after I returned from dad's funeral I had this amazingly vivid dream in which the symbolism (for once) seemed clear.

So here it is as I remember it.

You and I were standing on the beach near the shore just beyond where the waves were breaking. It was a clear windy day. I know this because our hair was blowing around and we both had long sleeves on. We were standing about 8 feet apart with our arms crossed looking toward the ocean. We were not speaking. We were watching Dad out there snorkeling just beyond the sand bar. Remember how much he loved doing that? I guess we were watching him each lost in our own thoughts. I spotted something off to the right and it took me a minute to realize it was a pod of Orcas! I was so excited I immediately started screaming and pointing. Did you know that I have always wanted to see whales in their natural surroundings? Anyway.... I was trying to get Dad's attention because I knew he would be thrilled and I didn't want them to dissapear out to sea without him seeing them too. One of the whales broke off from the pod and was swimming closer to the sandbar toward Dad. Now we were both yelling out to him, you were frightened that he might be injured (inhaled?), I was afraid that he would miss the whale sighting. At this point he raised his head so that his mask was out of the water and looked toward the shore. He noticed us pointing toward the whale and looked in the direction that we were gestering. He saw the lone Orca heading toward him and the pod in the near distance, gave a huge smile and wave and turned toward the whales. The lone whale swam back toward the pod and Dad followed him. We watched for several minutes until they all dissapeared
Dad was gone. We were left standing on the shore arms crossed defensively across our chests, still far enough apart to prevent conversation.
And here we are in real life still standing just far enought apart to prevent intimate conversation arms crossed defensively across our chests.

As far as you can see....

For the past couple of summers I have spent a day or so at my freind Carolyn's family 'farm" in the country. What it really is is a beautiful old farmhouse and a series of houses and out buildings on what used to be their families plantation.
I'm glad that I got to know Carolyn before I found out how rich she is. She is a down to earth person, yet she leads a VERY different life from most of us.

Anyway..... each year the groundskeepers plant an acre of sunflowers (sadly for the game birds to eat so that they can be fat and happy when shot and eaten ). It is such a beautiful sight. Sunflowers as far as you can see with really large heavy flowers all faced toward the sun. Just before leaving I cut an armload of them and put them in every room of the apartment including the balcony - where this picture was taken.
As you know, I have had my share of struggles with faith. I have had to address this in sobriety as a faith and reliance in a higher power (God) is the most important componant in my continuing sobriety. This was so hard for me 11 years ago when I first started came into AA.
The awesome beauty of nature has really helped me with that. It brings to mind the kind and caring God that I hear about in so many faiths.
I can still picture Uncle Herman preaching his special brand of HellFire and Damnation. YIKES! I remember when I was little living in Hawaii praying with Mom every night ' Now I lay me....' That prayer scared me so much. Does it scare other little kids? 'If I die before I wake...' I became afraid to go to sleep. 'I pray the Lord my soul to take...' I was afraid that something was going to enter my room, steal my soul (whatever that was) kind of like those awful monkeys on the Wizzard of Oz, and I would never wake up again.
I don't think I ever told you how fearful I was as a child. In many ways I am still fearful as an adult.
In AA we say that fear is the opposite of faith. I guess I've still got work to do, huh?
More later....

From zorries - steroids

I'm going to ask my friend Bill how to scan photos so that I can add some shots of us along the way. Each time I try to scan stuff it seems to successfully scan, but then I can't seem to find it anywhere in my computer. Oh well - progress not perfection.
We are having a warm weather streak this week. everyone seems in a great mood because of it. I can't wait to bust out the flip flops! In Hawaii we used to call them go -aheads. Funny, after we moved stateside they became zorries and now they are flip flops.
I know you don't watch the news, but today Alex Rodriguez admitted that he used steroids for three years during his early years in baseball. Nice to have someone admit rather than deny that they used performance enhancing drugs. It makes me sad to see how important winning has become - at any/all cost, ratings, dollars, everything is more important than the sport, more important than the individual. We really are a nation of pigs sometimes, ya know? I wonder what our crazy ole Grandpa would have thought of all this stuff ruining his sport?
The Colonel used to say, " Melissa Ann.... truth is stranger than fiction".
True that!
Love to you sister.

Getting to know you ...

So little sister....
I thought I would try to format this blog according to what you liked.
The gadgets were not so hard.
Let's see here are some other things I know you like:
Movies, beauty products, animals - especially cats, plants, flowers, gardening, baking, party planning, the beach/ocean, shopping, clothes - especially shoes, taking pictures, travelling......
I find that my memory is really sketchy these days, has been for a while.
I couldn't remember your favorite colors. Blue, purple, green? Or are those mine?
I know we discussed where we would most like to travel to. Was yours Australia? Am I really far off? Mine was Southeast Asia - Thailand, Vietnam, Indonesia. If I am correct about your destination we have chosen countries quite near considering we could have chosen say Norway and Argentina.
My colors are blue (cornflower), purple (delphinium), green (from hosta leaves to the color of the gulf at Santa Rosa nearest the beach).
Taking pictures, cooking, any/all animals (well you know I am not so fond of the seagulls and squirrels), shopping, beauty products, flowers/herbs, gardening, the mountains,travelling....
Some similarities there, huh?
I know that Mom liked greens/blues (if given a choice in furniture colors). The ocean, shopping, beauty products ( Grace and Peg pointed out that Mom loved the beauty products such as face creams, etc.), she loved clothes and shoes. She loved looking nice, always dieting, finding ways to make her nails look good and so on. There was never a lot of extra cash as there were land payments and so on, but she learned to sew and was really good at it. This is something I am pretty sure is not on our favorite things list, or life skill list! LOL. So much for learned behavior.
She loved animals too. Good thing because we always had two or three of them. I don't think she was big on gardening. That was always Dad's department. She liked to clean and the house was always pretty neat and clean. She loved to socialize, always lots of friends. I suspect this was because she grew up in so much chaos and poverty. She loved to travel. She loved her Mom and sisters. I think growing up the way she did really cemented the bond between them.
This is what I remember Dad really liking:
Animals, anything nature especially the beach/ocean, eating (okra (yuk), ice cream and corn), gardening - growing vegetables, boating, bad jokes, people, travelling, keeping in shape, his parents, the Army.
That's about it for this installment.

My AHA Moment

I have been thinking for some time about you my grown up little sister. And have been thinking about our relationship.
The conclusion I came to after much thought was that we don't really have much of a sisterly relationship. It's not any one's fault, but it is a fact. Neither one of us grew up the same way, with the same folks, at the same time or place. Almost 10 years separate us. That is a very long time.
So I would like to put forth an effort with this goal in mind - I would like you to get to know me and perhaps along the way I will get to know you.
I thought about a letter, but it seemed kind of lame (not to mention long) and besides - what would I say in a letter that we haven't said to each other in the past? A phone call? No, not enough time, and never the right time. So what then????
And then I had an Oprah AHA moment.
A blog!!!
I don't really know how to begin, but I'm gonna give it my best.
So here is my first memory of you:
Mom, Dad, Sam, Maitai and I were living in Ft. Rucker. The housing was not so grand. A two bedroom two bath apartment with a den, a combo livingroom/dining room and an eat in kitchen. I think it was attached to another apartment just like it.
I had a friend over to spend the night and at one point Mom said that they wanted to talk with me. I walked the few steps from my bedroom to the den and it was there that Mom and Dad told me that Mom was pregnant. I was excited, this was something I didn't expect. For some reason I just assumed you would be a girl, that I would have a sister.
They told me not to tell anyone and, naturally I immediately told my friend (not sure who it was). Mom and Dad heard me tell her and called me out on it. I think they were afraid that Mom would miscarry as she had so many times before I was born. In retrospect I think she seemed happier than she had been in quite a while.
So that was my first memory of you.